Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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