were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
