i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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