If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
