you would pick up someone in the library
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
