im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
