He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
