Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
