He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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