Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
