woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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