just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
