Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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