New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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