I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
