I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
