I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we're making bets on your personal life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
