First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
