i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
they need to just BURY HIM!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
