i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
