Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
