I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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