Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
