my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
