Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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