Dual....:-)
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am one with the molecules
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
