i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
