May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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