I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
