I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
