i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize