just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
