my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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