Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
