u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
