There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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