I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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