Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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