It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
