I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
