My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
