just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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