the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
