it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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