I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
