Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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