We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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