I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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