We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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