I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
