I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
