My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize