Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
