walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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