did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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