just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He? As in you personified your dick?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
