is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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