Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
