just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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