phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Panties = found
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