Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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