I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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