The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
