Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
