I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
