and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you never un-have a 4some
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