oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
