This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
