About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize