what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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