So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Drunk is not a location!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
