If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
