im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
